Here is a collection of the finest I use. Some found online, some I created, some stolen. Please be kind and share them with others (via twitter, digg, facebook, stumble etc).
That being said, more are added daily. So keep coming back for updates :)
- is proof reading to make sure he hasn’t any words out.
- just saw that Harry Potter movie. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid with 2 friends?
- met this girl at the pub and she told me her ’sex was on fire’. She lied. But ironically, now it burns when I piss.
- is sweating like an emo in a knife factory…
- smells like he just gave birth to the sweat gland.
- finds your lack of nudity disturbing
- sells Ethics Degree’s for a good price.
- tastes like purple…
- invented the internet.
- - Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
- Haiku’s are weird
and sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator - always hated weddings because old people would come over and poke me saying “You’re next.”. They stopped when I started doing it to them at funerals.
- wonders “Why its called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn’t called a pushy sucky???”
- just asked his Girlfriend the Big Question!! She said No, she never slept with Tiger Woods!
- wouldn’t steal a car, but I’d download one if I could.
- Things to remember: Girls don’t appreciate it when you yell ‘beast mode’ when switching to doggy style.
Click HERE for more, Or HERE… or carry on below:
- thinks it’s sad that a family could be ripped apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.
- -Statistically speaking, six out of seven dwarfs are not happy.
- - no woman will ever be truly satisfied, because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money…
- is with your mom.
- must stop using Facebook as the primary communication method with his girlfriend, family and friends.
- must only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable
- is looking for something to find .
- is in quarantine.
- is made of mostly foreign material.
- is grrrrrreat! Tony the Tiger is jealous. :D
- is havingtrou blewithhis spacebar.
- is making babies.
- is taking a gap year and focusing on the bible.
- is coming to a theater near you.
- is with your girlfriend.
- wants an Orange Mocha Frappuccino!
- is trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
- , it turns out, isn’t a Jedi :(
- ’s hobby is collecting dust
- puts the pro in procrastinate
- is thinking of a number between 1 and 10.
- is loving the smell of napalm in the morning
- is a vegetarian, not because he loves animals but because he hates plants!
- wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
- is filmed before a live stuido audience
- having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
- is busy with Jedi business, go back to your drinks.
- needs an anti-snooze alarm.
- is kind of a big deal.
- resides within a galaxy far, far away…
- is using fake ID to spoof his IP and derail traceroute to surf privately on facebook
- is beating his previous record for number of consecutive days alive.
- is……Actually, if you loved him, you’d already know
- is gonna turn this car right around if you don’t start behaving!
- is a member of the jehovah’s witness protection program
- says size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?
- is made mostly of water.
- is shaking a tailfeather
- doesnt look a thing like Jesus.
- the guy who put the laughter in manslaughter
- pondering a move into the 3rd dimension
